Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize