Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
