You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
