So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
