I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
