you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize