i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
