He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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