I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
