why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
