respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize