He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
