some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
