yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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