when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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