She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
