grandma shit on top of the toilet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
