ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
handjob tips. give me some.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
