Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize