He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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