Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
