I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
