Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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