I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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