That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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