we made out on top of his cat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
