Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
