We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
