he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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