What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
