Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
