I just threw up on my dentist
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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