Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
