This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize