fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
