Fuck appropriateness.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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