She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
