absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
