New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
