some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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