I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
