I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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