During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
