Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
