she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
