when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
