White coat. Heels.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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