Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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