i just wanna soil my oats bro
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
