I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
