My nipple is on Facebook.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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