To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize