'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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