Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
