someone owes me an orgasm
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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