You can't motorboat a personality
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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