her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
