If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
