oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
