he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
