Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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