This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just google imaged poop.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
