dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
