so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
