Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
