remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
