i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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