My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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