More tranny stories later!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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