i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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