he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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