it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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