I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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