i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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